“When you learn to accept instead of expecting, you’ll have fewer disappointments in relationships.” ~Unknown
A few days back, I spoke to one of my good friend after a long gap and then realised it was already an hour we started our talk which made us feel so light and happier than ever before.
I then remembered our good old days because I never felt so much lighter as It is now. During our four years of university, we three were best friends, always hanging out and we’re in our own world, supporting each other, sharing secrets, and creating unforgettable and craziest memories.
And Yes, although we didn’t have many fights, we sometimes had misunderstandings and complaints on other people in our group and then over time, things changed. We had found our own career paths, our own interests and as we changed our cities, our friendship fell by the wayside and we almost were in an unreachable state.
Now I look back and learnt what made me feel lighter now than in our olden days. It’s just the freedom I experienced and fewer expectations I had in my head.
So how do we maintain that freedom in any relation?
Accept people and relationships as it is
The first thumb rule is to accept people and relationships as they are and make it stick to your head. Most of the times, we create lot of pain when the actual relationship state doesn’t meet our expectations. And I’m sure, very few can ever reach your target of unrealistic expectations.
Most of the times, we create a lot of pain in our relationship when the actual relationship state doesn’t meet our expectations. And I’m sure, very few can ever reach your target of unworkable things.
We try to force our relations to be what we think or expect it to be based on our past thoughts/fantasy dreams. Universal acceptance makes your friendship or loves much stronger because there are almost no demands or expectations when you actually start to accept things as they are.
Don’t create miseries in your relationship with a big list of ‘Unrealistic expectations’.
You might wonder how would someone live without expectations. Then, you got me wrong. All I want to tell you is not to give scope for ‘unrealistic expectations’.
For example, you fell sick.
Unrealistic expectation is that your friend or partner should call you every hour to ask you how about and should send you some flowers (like they show in movies ?) to get well soon and blah blah.
Also read: Hacks to make work life balance reality
In reality, the above expectations are met very rarely. But it creates lots of suffering if you start complaining when reality doesn’t match the ideal in our head. Am I right?
The basic expectation should be that your friend or partner checks how you are, twice or thrice in a day and gets medicine for you, isn’t this what’s required?
Things change as relations grow. We often think it’s something we did. We take it on ourselves, we think we did something wrong and we start telling ourselves things like “I am not good enough” or “It’s all my fault”.
This basic misconception disturbs your relation and doesn’t let you be comfortable.
Stop blaming yourselves for something which is beyond your control, something that is often a natural experience as people grow and develop in their own ways.
Look at things in a different way and let go of expectations
When we know the truth about our relationship, and we acknowledge our part in creating the suffering, we can start to practice something different.
When we let go off how we expect things to be and allow them just as they are, we can experience what’s really there. If we don’t set an ideal, there is nothing to compare reality too. There is a just reality.
When I spoke to her that day, I no longer adhered to the old mantras or the unrealistic expectations of how things should be. There was only the present moment, however, it was going to be.When our relationships create miseries, it’s often isn’t the relationship that has to change; it is the way we see the relationships and how we deal with it.
Freeing relationships from expectations will get back the lightness that we had missed all these days. It’s time to rediscover ourselves and the way we perceive things.
Do you have more suggestions? Your experience matters. Please comment such tips below!
Love this article? Share it with your friends.
pic credits: Pixabay